"The first duty in life is to assume a pose. What the second is, no one has yet discovered." - Oscar Wilde

In life, everyone puts on their own sort of facade. No matter it be in front of teachers, parents, or a group of peers. We all have our own ways of not being our true selves, and as long as you know who you are, it doesn't matter. For example, I obviously don't show my teachers who I really am. They have no idea what I do for extracurricular activities, and know nothing about my personality. To teachers, I act respectful, and do what I'm obligated to do (most of the time). Certain instances cause me to lash out, and sometimes even be rude, but it's only when someone has offended me in a way, or in my eyes didn't treat me right. If you treat me with respect, I'll treat you with respect and vice versa. If someone doesn't come at me with a kind approach, then don't expect one back from me.

In front of my friends, or anyone that is around my age group, I'm usually always myself. But "myself" isn't always the same. Sometimes I love to be obnoxious, and loud, and I like to make people laugh and get excited. Other times I can be quiet, and not want to see anyone, or even acknowledge them. I feel like people can tell the way I'm feeling, because it's obvious if I'm in one of my quiet moods.

I don't act differently around different groups of people at all, though. I'm friends with anyone that's willing to be friends with me, and if they're not willing, then I won't make the slightest attempt at acknowledging their existence. If you don't like me, then I don't care about you (not like I would otherwise). I guarantee there are people all around me that think I'm the most annoying, immature, dumbest etc. person that they have ever met, but that's is because that is the only side of me they have seen. I don't change my personality depending on what other people think. It changes it's self when that's the way that I'm feeling.

People think of me as being a funny guy, or class clown and most of the time that's true, but no one really knows the intellectual side of me. People think I'm unintelligent because I act like an imbecile, but that really isn't the case. If someone strikes up a conversation that interests me, or I have knowledge of the topic, you could get me talking for and endless amount of time, to the point where you're completely uninterested. Not many people see this side of me, because I don't show it often. It's not because I'm trying to hide it, but because people don't have what it takes to get it out of me. I feel as if some people couldn't handle that, or think I'm a nutso for being that way. That could make me stubborn, or naive in a way, but it's the way I feel.

When it comes to my parents, they really know nothing about me, or the way i think. I've tried to open up to my mother about my points of view, and the way I feel about life in general, and she shuts down my opinions and feelings, as if they were incorrect. It really gets me heated, because she thinks that her way is the only way that's right. I've never discussed with her my feelings about this, but I don't feel like I need to. Don't get me wrong, she's a great mother and gives me everything she can, materialistic and otherwise, but she just doesn't know me.

As far as my stepdad goes, he's just an asshole. There isn't a single good thing I could say about him, other than the fact that he makes my mom "happy". I think it's hilarious that she's married to the guy, because neither one of them are happy. They both work incredibly hard to have what they do, and they come home and are miserable. Why should they do that? Why should anyone do that? They think having a nice home, and a big television, with $40,000 cars is what happiness is, and it's ridiculous. I don't ever want to be like them. I'd rather be living on the streets, honestly. All the hard work doesn't matter if deep down you aren't happy.

Oh wow, i just went on a pointless tangent. Anyway, my stepdad and I are the farthest thing from close. I come home, he'll be sitting on the couch on his computer, we make eye contact, I say, "sup?" and I go in my room. That is the highlight of our relationship. It doesn't exist, and that's the way I want to keep it. I hate the man more than anything in this world, and I don't really see how I couldn't. Personally, I feel that anyone who tries to come into your life, and essentially replace one the people that played a huge role in your childhood, doesn't deserve to be loved or wanted, especially since he's a rude, cold, awful man to begin with.

I love my dad more than most things, but I haven't seen him since the weekend before Easter. He lives in Webster, MA, and we both just have busy lives that go against each other. He works all the time, and has a girlfriend (that is actually really nice), and we just don't schedule each other in. I don't do anything important that stops me from seeing him, but I'm always busy with friends, and I don't like to give that up. That really is completely selfish of me, because I know he misses me as much as I miss him, probably more. I don't like to take my free time for granted, but I know i should stop taking my dad for granted, because he won't always be here.

But back to the main topic again, my parents just don't know me. None of them know what I do, or who I do it with, or where I am. I don't feel the need to tell them, because it's not their business. I'm going to do what I want, no matter what, and I don't see why that should be a problem. Honestly, nothing I do should affect them, unless they let it. Obviously it does affect them, because they "care", but they shouldn't, because I'll be fine, with or without their direction. I appreciate everything they've ever gave me, or helped me with, but I don't need it. I would be fine on my own.

When I'm talking about my "parents", I mean my mom and stepdad, because my dad hasn't really played the parent role, seeing since I don't live with him, or see him often at all. He has always been more of my best friend, because when I see him we just have a good time, and I like my relationship with him, much better than me and my mother's.

But in reality, I don't even know how to answer the question: who do you show your "true" self to? I guess I show it to everyone, because I'm always being who I am. Whether it be my funny side, or my serious side, I'm never putting on an act. I express my feelings, and the way I come across depends on them. I'm not saying everyone knows me, because I don't really even "know" myself. All that I'm saying is that what you see is what you get, and you won't ever see me being something I'm not.